Door

What do you call a 32 inch door in a 36 inch hole with no shims, support, or weatherproofing that has a noticeable draft around the frame?  You call it the back door on my house.  What do you call me having to fix it?  You call that Thursday, my day "off".

A Picture

Don't send me a webarchive file.  That is not a picture.  You've managed to make a simple process (emailing a jpeg) into something that requires me to download and install Safari because you're an idiot. 

NBC

Won't stream the Macy's Parade.  Earthcam does, but Earthcam is overloaded like mad.  Because NBC won't stream the Macy's Parade.  Fuck you NBC, you luddite fucks.

Monitored

A cup of coffee and a touchscreen register monitor are not friends, no matter how hard a clumsy cashier wants them to be.  Mr. Screwdriver got a good workout today, disassembling something some Chinese Dell employee probably got paid less to assemble than the value of the coffee that caused the problem.

Donut drop

Bought a donut dropper off eBay.

Seller shipped it full of oil.

It arrived empty of oil.  The box it arrived in on the other hand...

Basement

Flooded again.  4th time in 2 years. Anyone want to buy a house.  Or help me burn down a house.

Ticket

Got one this morning for cutting through a parking lot because a stalled car was blocking the turn lane.  Good job on your quotas, officer.

Invoices

You get orders seven days a week.

You know you get orders seven days a week, because if an order is even slightly late you're on the phone with us.

Your checks only pay for five days a week.

You act surprised when we tell you we're missing payments.

Please stop making your problems with paying my problem with you paying.

Wedding Cake

"Hey Matt can you deliver this wedding cake?"

"When's it supposed to be there?"

"1:30."

"How far away is it?"

"About 30 miles."



It's 1:13 right now.

Router

WRT54G, and it's waving a white flag. The question is do I order from Newegg and hope it holds out or go to Best Buy for instant gratification/self loathing.

The Sink

Someone fixed the sink at work.  When you turn the water on now it sounds like a chainsaw on an aluminum street light pole.  Someone else is going to have to fix the sink now.  That someone is me.

Fork

It's plastic.  It broke while I was eating lunch.